New Beginnings and a New Outlook

Now a lot of you have probably noticed from me writing a few blogs prior to this series for the boys over at talk tonight but, I love to write. The feelings of satisfaction and pride as I finish a piece is unbelievable. Genuinely like nothing I can feel anywhere else, and hopefully my passion and emotions comes through with a little gusto for you all reading this. 

 I know that seems like a weird way to open the blog, after all this is about mental health. But this is where we Segway into our first topic of today’s article. Football and it’s meaning to me, and if you’re still a little unsure let me jog your memory. At the end of the 2019/2020 season something happened that renewed my passion in the sport, my beloved Leeds united a team I’ve held close to my heart since birth had finally made their way back to the promise land of the premier league it was euphoric and I won’t lie I cried. 16 years I had waited for this moment, matches watched with optimism every single time, I shared the tears of the players and their hearts as they stood on that pitch time after time giving their all but not quite being enough. And so when we finally did reach the summit of European football (personally I believe the premier league is more explosive and competitive than any other on the planet including European club commitments) I couldn’t contain myself, I reached out to Dan from talk tonight and I was honest. This is my team, this is my emotions and that of millions of people who have shared this journey and I feel our story needs to be told. He instantly said yes and I know the story of Leeds united has been told a staggering amount of times but my words were not that of a reporter or professional. It was the honest raw writing of a person who had gained and lost for 16 years and it was finally over, I couldn’t help myself. If you want to check it out it’s here on the site just go search for “A sleeping giant awakes” but anyway now I’ve done mentioned my own writing for some shameless self promotion as I attempt to move toward a career in the literary arts let’s actually move on with the content. 

As you may have noticed the Euros are currently underway, the best of the best on the continent battling it out for supremacy and vindication and it’s had an unbelievable impact on my mental health. Seeing people from all over and all walks of life show the same emotion and passion as I is breath taking and more importantly validating. The tears from the fans only matched by the smiles of their opposition, years have been made and destroyed in a mere 90 minutes and we all know it. It’s amazing, a whole range of people coming together with one common goal, supporting the team and country we love. So for all the football fans who share these pains and pleasures with me, to all the people who make it possible on a weekly basis thank you! 

 But despite that euphoric feeling only football can it’s not even the best aspect of the week, after pulling myself out of the lowest point I’ve possibly even encountered through nothing but devine intervention I have a new job. I mean it’s just a trial shift right now but the work is simplistic and keeps me physically and mentally actually, you better believe I’m going to grab this chance with both hands and start a career. At least that’s the plan, as much as my writing has been validated and made to feel special I’m not naive. A career in this industry is a slim chance at best so I need to have an alternative available just in case.

 So yeah, I’m the space of a month I’ve gone from a cis white man in a Rocky engagement, to an unemployed gender queer person with no partner and no light in the tunnel to here. I can see the future of my life, I can finally look myself in the eye and admit who I am. I won’t share the details here right now because it’s a lot for me but, there has been major developments for me in ways I’ve never genuinely let myself consider and my heart feels like something never before. In 23 years of life I’ve never been this honest with myself, it’s calming. So I’m keeping momentum up this marks 5/6 in showers this week, I managed to eat a full three meals yesterday which is maddening. I even managed to look myself in the mirror and I’ll be honest, I kinda liked what I saw. So now it’s all bout trying to keep the mindset and the steps moving forward. So right now I’ll leave you lovely people be, take it easy, take it slowly and take it one day at a time

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